Friday, April 3, 2009

BEYOND EXPECTATION












Several months ago, I found myself exerting endless energy on unproductive, draining, mind-boggling activities. The result: a steady spiritual decline. The cause: aimlessly spinning my wheels in the wrong direction. Chasing false leads to nowhere, I quickly became an angry, tired, frustrated basket case. Unable to keep up with the demands of my busy life, I sank deeper into withdrawal. I was turning into a puppet suspended in the vastness of an empty universe--a universe I single handily created.

Thoroughly pissed off with life, I couldn't understand why things were not falling into place for me. After all, I had subscribed to all the right magazines. The best books lined my shelves. Yet, nothing in my education had prepared me to travel down this lonely road.

Relatively young by any standard, I felt powerless. A restless-fatigue hung over my head. Attempting to settle back into some type of normalcy, I pacified my disappointment during the day by masking it with a rigorous schedule that left me to tired to think. My plan was perfect except for one or two flaws; a canceled dinner with friends and the occasional headache. Alone time forced me to acknowledge the gaping holes in my soul. During these times I suffered most--beating each pillow on my bed into submission by an onslaught of tears.


In an attempt to cure myself from despair, I continued to engage in the monotony of life. Accepting that my new disposition was probably the equivalence of happiness. Embracing complacency wholeheartedly, I became a quick study of how things worked in this new world. Yet, the more I tried to behave as one of the natives; the more I realized how out of place I was in this strange world.

Like a Bubbling brook something began to bubble over inside of me and when I was absolutely quite, I could hear a rumbling in the depth of my soul. What was this unexplainable feeling I asked myself? But no explanation ever came so eventually, I became to angry to even notice.

From experience I could tell that the Donzie-Bright melt down was rapidly approaching. I remember thinking; okay this could be the big one--the breaking point. I was at the lowest point in my life. I was slipping rapidly into a sinkhole--there was no light insight--everything was rapidly fading to black and amazingly, I continued to sink lower.

Two days later in a half conscious state, I shuffled over to my laptop to check my emails. I know, weird right? Here I am at my lowest state ever and I'm taking a timeout to check emails. Well, that's exactly what I did and to my surprise, I had received a rather lengthy email from a former colleague and friend, who we will refer to as Judith.

In Judith's email, she stated that she really missed our working relationship and desired to reconnect with me professionally. Happy to receive such an uplifting email, I responded immediately echoing Judith's sentiments. In the emails that followed, Judith tried to convince me in a rather sales pitchy sort of way to quit my current job, in order to join her in the new business endeavor.

Unfortunately, when I graciously declined the offer, Judith viciously lashed out; accusing me of not being ambitious enough. Needless to say, by the time I finished reading these emails, I was outraged. Determined not to be further drawn into Judith's web of negativity, I took a ten minute Wushu moment before hitting the delete key.

In the weeks that followed, I decided to harness my fiery into the fire needed to fuel my dreams. Let’s, pause here because it is so important that you understand that the fire that burns inside of me today is not fueled by negativity. My motivation is rooted in a sincere desire to reach my full potential in life.

Further, I made a decision to forgive Judith. After all, she was the motivation I needed to get off my butt! Judith's emails ignited a real fire on the inside of me. Her emails challenged me to examine myself more closely and I am happy to report that I am in full swing--finishing two manuscripts in addition, to the creation of this Blog; Fueled By Fire.

In the words of my mother, "a lot can happen in 24 hours." A single day can bring about the rise and fall of a nation or an economy! You just never know what a day might bring. Sometimes the path we choose for ourselves may not be the path God has intended for us to take. If you're like me than you have probably made a few detours along the way to your purpose. When we collide with the plans of God the results can be catastrophe; lose of joy, peace and purpose.

Thankfully, God doesn't feel compelled to check our to-do-list, blackberry, tweets, or Blog before he intervenes in the affairs of our life. God's plans are not our plans nor are his ways our ways. Turns out--God is on his own page. I've found that godly interruptions are not interruptions at all but, opportunities to experience God in new ways. Godly interruptions not only change our day, they alter our life. The key is to not let impatience override the plan of God. As a skillful builder, God seeks to build you and I into vessels that reflect every promise found in his word.


Ready Aim Fire




  • Look for unexpected blessings. God uses our entire life to teach us life changing lessons.

  • When offended don't harbor grudges. Ask God to help you forgive and look beyond offenses.

  • Remember life is a journey filled with peeks and valleys. Don't dwell in the valleys.

  • Be flexible. God knows where he is trying to take you. Trust his direction for your life.

  • Trust God no matter what things look like--translation--stop worrying.

  • Allow God to be your motivation. He will give you creative ways to use your talents and gifts.

  • Proving people wrong takes to much energy. Live your life on purpose.



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Fueled By Fire

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1 comment

Patti Stafford said...

Just stopping by to say Hi. Nice blog. I like the way you write from the heart.

Patti Stafford

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